I've been reading blogs for about 1 1/2 or so now. Two of my favorites are the Yarn Harlot, and The Panopticon, and todays entries struck a cord. A HUGE freaking cord.
All my life, I've felt like the odd girl out. I've never been stunningly beautiful, wildly popular, or anything but a geek. My shining moment in Junior High/High School was at 8th grade graduation. I'd been taking sewing classes since the 6th grade, and conned my Home Ec teacher into letting me make my graduation dress. This was when the Gunny Sack dresses were popular. There was no way on earth my parents could afford to buy me one of those dresses. So I marched my little self down to the only fabric store in Jackson, Wyo, bought the pattern, fabric, and more fricking lace than one planet should contain, much less one dress. It was light purple, and I felt like a princess in it. I won an award for sewing, and my teacher announced to the whole school/parent/teacher consortium that I had made my dress. I was in seventh heaven. After the ceremony, one of the popular girls who had made it her goal in life to make my life hell, came up to me to tell me how beautiful she thought my dress was. AND SHE MEANT IT!!!! Seven years of torment, and that is the only time I ever felt included.
I still feel like the odd duck. But I've gotten better at faking not being the odd duck. On the inside though, baby I'm cowering in a corner. The only time I don't feel that way is when I'm creating something. Cooking, knitting, quilting, sewing, teaching a class at the quilt store I work at. And I'm tired of being patted on the head, and told that is so cute, or quaint. This is my damn ART, not a piece of crap. This is what keeps me from becoming a clocktower sniper!! What I contribute is meaningful, and just as important as the Hail Mary pass in the Super Bowl, or the game winning Home Run.
I take compliments these days, and I take them well. I've discovered the world has more geeks in it than beautiful people. And I'm not letting that little bitch from Junior High ruin my life any more. I make art, whether it is a beautiful dinner for my family, a pair of socks for a friend, or a baby quilt for the newest addition. And if you can't handle that? Don't patronize me. What have you done meaningful with your life lately?