Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Okay, so posting everyday for the rest of November went to hell fast, now didn't it? Go figure.

It's only Wednesday, and it's been a hell of a week. My Uncle Paul is very ill, very very ill. The doctors won't commit to wether he will recover or not, and it's scary as hell. Everyone in the family is praying. My mom says we have most of the North American continent covered. I only hope it's enough. Losing him just two months after my Grandma Betty would be to cruel.

And now Brad has laid a huge bombshell on me. Work in Idaho is good, and looking to get better. If it does get as good as things indicate, Brad wants to talk about both of us moving there temporarily. Renting the house out to Sara and her boyfriend. My first reaction? No, I can't leave my home, my chickens, my sewing room, my job that I love. Second reaction? I miss my husband terribly. And he misses me. He was out of town when Mason died, when my Grandma Betty died, and now while Uncle Paul is so very sick. I would love to have his strong shoulder to physically lean on while I worry. That shoulder is always there whenever I need it, for whatever I need it for, but I certainly miss having his arms around me. And it works on him that he can't be here for me in person.

So, that's my dilemma for the day. I am so grateful that the problem is too much work, and not the opposite. But whichever way things end up going, it's going to be very difficult. Sigh.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Crap, I joined Facebook. Thanks alot Dani.

Bad day/Good day

Hmm, I think I forgot I had a blog for a looonnngg time. Let's see if I can post every day in November, shall we?

Life is life. Good days, bad days, days I wish I didn't have to get out of bed. Today has been a bad/good day. Started out bad, got better. First thing this morning I get a phone call from my cousin Todd. Todd is in a bad situation that he really has no one but himself to blame for, but he isn't ready or willing to realize that yet. Alcohol and drugs are deadly to my family members. Todd hasn't hit bottom yet, and he may never do so. He was in a good rehab program, but he left it because it focused on behaviour modification, and according to him, he doesn't need that. I think he thought he could call me, and I would not know what was going on, and "help" him. I won't. My heart hurts for him, but I can't give him money, or a place to stay, or a job. He says he's sober, living on the streets, etc, etc. Who knows the reality? I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix him, but all I can do is fix the problems in my own life. And I'm so grateful that drugs and alcohol are not problems I have to deal with.

Work is good. I had two people out for two months, and I was working six days a week. Not a recipe for fun. Added to the fact that Brad is out of town all week now, lets just say Kathy was one tired girl.

The good part of today was that I got to talk to my Aunt Linda and my counsin Dani. Todd was the impetous for those phone calls, but these are two women I need to keep in closer contact with. Dani wants me to join Facebook, but I think I really need to get better at posting here and playing with Ravelry (online knitting mecca) before I add another internet thingie I join and don't participate in.

I want to use my time better, and finish projects, keep in touch with friends and loved ones, and not feel so alone. It is very lonely here with only the dogs and the cat for company at night. I am so grateful Brad is working, and we are going to be able to catch up all our bills, make improvements to the property, and lose some of our panic over money. But the price we are paying is steep. I am alone at home, and Brad is alone away from home. We are both homebodies, and love our quiet time with each other. There isn't much of that anymore. We just keep reminding ourselves that this won't last forever, and we have a goal, there is a purpose for this sacrifice. And our time together is so much sweeter. We focus more on each other and our relationship.

This post is rambling, but that's the way my brain is working today. I'm posting though, so that's the important thing.